Tom
Conversation With Heroes
The Pulp Hermit: With such distinguished guests, I felt it a perfect opportunity to discuss our favorite subject, the pulps. Gentlemen, there has been much talk today that the writers of the pulps were not as professional or sophisticated as writers today. And the product they produced was less than exciting or interesting than the stories being written today. Would you care to comment?
The Phantom Detective: Robert Wallace and G. Wayman Jones were both highly educated, and were able to bring my Casebooks into focus, showing the danger and excitement of my murder investigations. I don’t think the ones saying such nonsense about the stories have ever read one. End of statement.
The Black Bat: The Phantom is correct. I knew Mr. Jones personally, and he was as intelligent as any one writing today. Maybe more so, from what they are saying! Let them investigate the type of crook I was involved with. Especially the Nazis, and I’ll bet they’ll become an Ostrich darn quick.
Secret Agent X: Not exciting? Not Interesting? Wait till I tell Brant House about this. The truth of the matter is, he’s already upset because of some of the stuff they’re passing off as my cases. Some of the people they are saying I met, I never knew. Who are all these people helping me with my cases? Phew!
New Masked Guy: What was the question?
The Pulp Hermit: Yes, what “X” just said brings up a good point. I don’t remember any of you guys ever needing assistance from one another. Each of you was quite capable of solving the case on your own. In fact, in one case recently, X was in a fight with another of Gotham’s heroes, and they basically fought to a draw. How could it be otherwise? That’s why it’s a bad idea pitting you guys against each other.
The Phantom Detective: Certainly. We are the best, that’s why we do what we do. The Black Bat or X would just get in my way, so why would I ask them for help?
The Black Bat: I don’t need any help. Don’t get in my way.
Secret Agent X: Someone actually thinks I need help. Who?
New Masked Guy” What was the question?
The Pulp Hermit: For my last question, what do each of you think of new writers creating new stories about you? Evidently, they aren’t taking any of them from your personal Casebooks.
The Phantom Detective: Well, really, what they think is new cases is probably cases that just weren’t revealed in our Casebooks. Remember, the magazines ceased publication before all of our stories were revealed to the public. The concerns I have are that they be honest about my companions and me. I heard someone had me taking drugs in order to bring villains to their end. I never used drugs! One writer had me dumping Muriel for someone else, then turned Miss Havens into a murderer. Please!!!
The Black Bat: (laughing) They have me hearing voices, Phantom! And I argue with myself. Plus, I now kill execution style. Forget gangsters, I’m now fighting the supernatural; alien floating heads, no less! Remember, it was you who said these guys never read one of our Casebooks; no wonder they don’t know anything about us. And they’re writing our exploits?
Secret Agent X: You guys think they’re recreating you! Regardless of what they are doing to me, what upsets me the most is they make Betty Dale a moll, and make her look like a hooker. They don’t even know about the people in my universe. Good grief, I’m running with the Domino Lady and fighting with Dan Fowler. Like I couldn’t whip that fed with one arm tied behind my back!
New Masked Guy: What was the first question again?”
The Pulp Hermit: I hope we can do this again some time. Maybe we could discuss a solution to the problem when we meet again.
As the tape came to an end, I heard four automatics click as rounds were slammed into the chamber of barrels, and I heard The Pulp Hermit ask: “Who was that masked guy who just left in such a hurry?”
Stay tuned, Amigos, there’s more to come from the Old Pulp Hermit.
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